A reporter, interviewing Jack Nicklaus: "Jack, you are spectacular! You really know your way around the course. What is your secret?"
Jack: "The holes are numbered."
today'sTHOT============================
Definition of a committee: A group of the unworthy, appointed by the unwilling, to do the unnecessary.
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Monday, April 30, 2012
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
7 Kentucky Derby Facts
Ethan Trex
I was born and raised in Kentucky, a background that usually doesn’t offer much in the way of conversation fodder. By the first Saturday in May each year, though, the Kentucky Derby has made the rest of the world curious about my home commonwealth, and I find myself fielding all sorts of Derby-related questions. This year, I decided it would just be easier to write down my answers.
1. What are the origins of the Derby?
Kentucky has been a hotbed of the sport of kings since at least the 18th century, but the Derby didn’t begin until 1875. Colonel M. Lewis Clark, a grandson of the Lewis-and-Clark-expedition William Clark, needed a slate of races for his newly formed Louisville Jockey Club, so he decided to run three stakes races at the track’s first meet. The races—the Kentucky Derby, Kentucky Oaks, and Clark Handicap—were named after England’s three marquee races, the Epsom Derby, the Epsom Oaks, and the St. Leger Stakes. The first Derby was held May 17, 1875; Aristides beat the field. (Interestingly, both Aristides’ trainer and jockey were both African Americans.)
By 1883, the track would become known as Churchill Downs in recognition of John and Henry Churchill, Clark’s uncles who secured the land for the course. The first runnings of the Derby were also 1.5 miles long; the standard distance of 1.25 miles wasn’t adopted until 1896.
2. Why is the Derby called “The Run for the Roses?”
Because the winner gets a blanket of 554 red roses after the race. Whether a horse would rather receive a more practical gift, like some oats or a lump of delicious sugar, is up for debate, but the garland has become a beloved tradition. The practice springs from Derby parties Louisville’s socialites threw in the early days of the race. Each lady would receive a red rose at the parties, and when Churchill Downs’ president Colonel Lewis Clark saw their popularity, he made the rose the race’s official flower.
According to the Derby’s organizers, 1896 Derby winner Ben Brush received the first garland of roses, and in 1925 journalist Bill Corum coined the term “Run for the Roses.” The first blanket of roses like the one used today was awarded to the victorious Burgoo King in 1932. The modern garland is topped with a “crown,” a single upturned rose that signifies the struggle a winner must endure. Since 1996, each winner’s garland has been immediately freeze-dried for posterity.
3. What’s that song they play to the horses?
The University of Louisville Marching Band’s playing of “My Old Kentucky Home” as the horses trot onto the track for the post parade is another beloved Derby tradition. The tune, which was penned by Stephen Foster in 1853, is the official state song of Kentucky, and it’s been played at every Derby since 1921. Well, almost. The song received a few changes when the Kentucky General Assembly adopted it as state song in 1928, they had to clean up the lyrics a bit, including changing the offensive “darkies” to “people” in the first verse.
4. What the heck is a furlong?
The Kentucky Derby runs for 1.25 miles, but you may hear some mention of furlongs, too. A furlong is a unit of distance equal to one eighth of a mile. Originally, a furlong referred to the length of the furrow running across an open ploughed field, but now it’s mostly used to measure distances for horse racing.
5. What’s a mint julep?
A mint julep is delicious, that’s what it is. More specifically, it’s the official cocktail of the Kentucky Derby. A julep consists of bourbon (another Kentucky specialty), mint, sugar, and crushed or shaved ice. The sweetness of the bourbon complements the bruised mint and sugar, and the ice makes it a frosty warm-weather drink. Since the ice is broken up, though, juleps should be thrown down the hatch quickly; otherwise the ice will melt and dilute the drink.
6. Why is the mint julep so popular?
Well, we already mentioned that it’s delicious. It’s also stood the test of time. John Milton mentioned a “cordial Julep” as far back as 1634, and the first known mention of the mint julep in print popped up in an 1803 travelogue. Red Bull and vodka hardly has that sort of historical backing.
Don’t have bourbon? Then you can’t really make a julep. Don’t even try to make a julep with rye instead of bourbon; the spicy flavors of the rye just don’t measure up. As the humorist Irvin S. Cobb once teased his friend H.L. Mencken’s mixing abilities with the quip, “Any guy who’d put rye in a mint julep and crush the leaves would put scorpions in a baby’s bed.”
Ironically, though, the Kentucky Derby is one place that you won’t get a “real” julep. The official julep of the Derby is made with Early Times, which is a Kentucky whiskey, but not a bourbon. This quibble doesn’t make the drink any less popular, though. Each year over 120,000 juleps are served at the Derby. (Here’s the recipe.)
7. Do I want to ingest something called “burgoo”?
That depends on whether or not a thick stew of meats and vegetables sounds tasty to you. Burgoo is a classic Kentucky dish that could add a touch of authenticity to your Derby party. According to common wisdom, it’s best made in a gigantic pot and stirred with a clean 2×4. There’s no standardized recipe for burgoo, but it’s usually got pork, mutton, or another meat mixed with vegetables, potatoes, beans, and spices. It’s a dish that varies quite a bit from cook to cook, but it’s usually tasty and makes a great Derby-day snack. [Image courtesy of White Trash BBQ.]
Ethan Trex grew up idolizing Vince Coleman, and he kind of still does. Ethan co-writes Straight Cash, Homey, the Internet’s undisputed top source for pictures of people in Ryan Leaf jerseys.
Life is not perfect...some of life just is...
Life is not perfect; some of life just is. A great deal of mental, psychological and spiritual health comes from learning to endure the average heat of the average day and to wear both its banes and its blessings with a tempered heart. No warfare. No armies mobilized on the plain. No identification of enemies. Just life.
Excerpted from The Rule of Benedict: Insights for the Ages by Joan Chittister, OSB
Excerpted from The Rule of Benedict: Insights for the Ages by Joan Chittister, OSB
Sometimes I want to be a kid again
Sometimes I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to the time when:
~ Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo."
~ Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming "do over!"
~ Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "Monopoly."
~ Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.
~ Being old referred to anyone over 20.
~ The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.
~ It was magic when dad would "remove" his thumb or take my nose off my face.
~ Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot.
~ Nobody was prettier than Mom.
~ Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.
~ It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park.
~ Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.
~ Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare."
~ Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute ads for action figures.
~ "Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense.
~ Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
~ Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.
~ Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.
~ Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.
~ Ice cream was considered a basic food group.
~ Older siblings were the worst tormentors but also the fiercest protectors.
givingCREDIT============================
It has been brought to my attention that the content of the previous two days Funnies are from "DON'T SQUAT WITH YER SPURS ON!" by the inimitable Texas Bix Bender. Great stuff...
today'sTHOT============================
The only time you make a mistake is when you don't learn from it.
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~ Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo."
~ Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming "do over!"
~ Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "Monopoly."
~ Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.
~ Being old referred to anyone over 20.
~ The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.
~ It was magic when dad would "remove" his thumb or take my nose off my face.
~ Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot.
~ Nobody was prettier than Mom.
~ Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.
~ It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park.
~ Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.
~ Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare."
~ Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute ads for action figures.
~ "Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense.
~ Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
~ Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.
~ Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.
~ Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.
~ Ice cream was considered a basic food group.
~ Older siblings were the worst tormentors but also the fiercest protectors.
givingCREDIT============================
It has been brought to my attention that the content of the previous two days Funnies are from "DON'T SQUAT WITH YER SPURS ON!" by the inimitable Texas Bix Bender. Great stuff...
today'sTHOT============================
The only time you make a mistake is when you don't learn from it.
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Thursday, April 26, 2012
DON'T SQUAT WITH YER SPURS ON
~ Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.
~ Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
~ If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
~ It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
~ Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.
~ Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
~ Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
~ When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
~ When you're throwing' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
~ After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
today'sTHOT============================
Don't play stupid with me. I'm better at it.
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~ Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
~ If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
~ It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
~ Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.
~ Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
~ Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
~ When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
~ When you're throwing' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
~ After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
today'sTHOT============================
Don't play stupid with me. I'm better at it.
=======================================
PASS IT ON!
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Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Hero mom from Henryville, IN tosses first pitch in UK-UofL baseball game
"How was my pitch?" Decker playfully asked her son, Dominic. 'Was I a little outside, inside?
"Low!" smiled Dominic.
Stephanie might be without her legs but never lost her spirit. She used to be a softball pitcher but has never taken a mound like this. And yet, she was nervous for a different reason.
"It's nerves and adrenaline," said Decker. "Sports has always been a part of my life, and if you didn't get the butterflies before you went out to a game, then I don't think you cared enough about the game ... It's an awesome feeling to see a lot of people that care and not just about me but others in our town that have really suffered."
Stephanie will have what she hopes is her last surgery Wednesday at University hospital. She will then get her prosthetic legs and hopes to be walking in a matter of weeks.
To see what fans and others said about Decker as well as to see her pitch, click here
h/t WHAS & WLKY
.
Cats' Terrence Jones keeps word...delivers flowers to Cards' cheerleader
During the Final Four game between Louisville and Kentucky, UK's Terrence Jones crashed into UofL cheerleader Jerica Logue.
He offered to buy her flowers and on Monday night he delivered on his promise at Louisville Cheer and Dance.
"For her to get stitches during the game and it being my fault, I told her I would do it,” Jones said. “I just had to keep to my word.”
Logue said she was surprised he kept his word.
"I was surprised. I think it's really nice of him. I know he said he was going to do it, but I didn't actually think he would," cheerleader Jerica Logue said.
Jones said he was nervous about walking in to the UofL cheerleader’s practice.
"It went well. I was nervous walking in here. I've never been to cheer practice before," Jones said.
Logue received four stitches on her head during the game. She returned a short time later to cheer on the Cards.
"For her to get stitches during the game and it being my fault, I told her I would do it,” Jones said. “I just had to keep to my word.”
Logue said she was surprised he kept his word.
"I was surprised. I think it's really nice of him. I know he said he was going to do it, but I didn't actually think he would," cheerleader Jerica Logue said.
Jones said he was nervous about walking in to the UofL cheerleader’s practice.
"It went well. I was nervous walking in here. I've never been to cheer practice before," Jones said.
Logue received four stitches on her head during the game. She returned a short time later to cheer on the Cards.
No good deed goes unpunished.
John Clay, Herald Leader
Take the Cincinnati Reds.
Owner Robert Castellini thought he was doing a good marketing deed by honoring the Kentucky basketball national championship before Tuesday night's game.
John Calipari and staff were on the field prior to the first pitch. The championship trophy was on display on the Terrace Level.
Kentucky is just across the river, after all. Plenty of UK fans in both Northern Kentucky and the Queen City.
As Lance McAlister, host of WLW's Sportstalk, points out, the Reds have 29 radio affiliates in Kentucky, compared to just 22 in Ohio. There are 10,800 UK alums in Greater Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky.
And yet, McAlister reports most of his Monday night show was occupied by callers complaining about the Reds honoring the Big Blue.
"Non-stop calls for 90 minutes," McAlister said Tuesday morning. "One caller said he'd refuse diamond seats if offered. It was stunning. And yet hilarious. I said it was the single dumbest debate I'd ever heard from Cincinnati fans."
In response, some UK fans have vowed not to frequent GABP, despite the fact that it is the Reds, not their fans, honoring Cal and the Cats.
[...]
For a second thankless deed, take Arkansas football.
John L. Smith did, leaving a job at Weber State he had taken three months ago, to return and rescue the Razorbacks. The former Louisville coach was named "interim" 10-month head coach on Tuesday.
He replaces Bobby Petrino, who replaced Smith at U of L. Before that, the two coached together at Idaho and Louisville. When Michigan State fired Smith, Petrino hired John L. to coach Arkansas' special teams.
With Petrino out of work, Arkansas Athletics Director Jeff Long, the former Eastern Kentucky AD, had a tough choice. Buck horrific timing and hire a permanent head coach? Promote an assistant from within? Find a stop-gap?
In the end, Long mined an unforeseen vein of golden continuity.
Undoubtedly rocked by the Petrino scandal, the Arkansas players know Smith. From his time as a Razorbacks' assistant, Smith knows the players. He has experience as a head coach.
Moreover, given Smith's and Petrino's association, John L. won't monkey with the Hogs' successful offensive scheme.
Ah, but critics have non-stop harped on Smith's departure from Weber State before coaching a game there. Not ideal, to be sure. But it's Weber State, people. Weber State football.
As for the rest of us, we welcome a coach with personality to the SEC. Remember John L. calling his players girls after Louisville lost to UK in his first game as the Cards' coach? Remember when Smith compared the Cards to the "red-headed stepchild" in the UK series?
Move over, Spurrier. There's a new pop-off in town.
And, finally, for a good deed that was lauded, we have Terrence Jones.
As you may remember, the Kentucky forward accidentally trampled a Louisville cheerleader during the Final Four in New Orleans. Jerica Logue needed four stitches to close the cut in her head. A gamer, she returned to root on her Cards, albeit in a losing effort. Afterward, Jones promised to bring Logue flowers.
Monday night, the now former Kentucky forward did just that, showing up at Louisville's cheer practice to present Logue a beautiful bouquet.
"It went well," Jones told WHAS-TV in Louisville, admitting he was nervous before doing the promised deed. "I've never been to cheer practice before."
"I think it's really nice of him," Logue told the TV station.
Now there's a good deed even Cats and Cards can celebrate.
Take the Cincinnati Reds.
Owner Robert Castellini thought he was doing a good marketing deed by honoring the Kentucky basketball national championship before Tuesday night's game.
John Calipari and staff were on the field prior to the first pitch. The championship trophy was on display on the Terrace Level.
Kentucky is just across the river, after all. Plenty of UK fans in both Northern Kentucky and the Queen City.
As Lance McAlister, host of WLW's Sportstalk, points out, the Reds have 29 radio affiliates in Kentucky, compared to just 22 in Ohio. There are 10,800 UK alums in Greater Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky.
And yet, McAlister reports most of his Monday night show was occupied by callers complaining about the Reds honoring the Big Blue.
"Non-stop calls for 90 minutes," McAlister said Tuesday morning. "One caller said he'd refuse diamond seats if offered. It was stunning. And yet hilarious. I said it was the single dumbest debate I'd ever heard from Cincinnati fans."
In response, some UK fans have vowed not to frequent GABP, despite the fact that it is the Reds, not their fans, honoring Cal and the Cats.
[...]
For a second thankless deed, take Arkansas football.
John L. Smith did, leaving a job at Weber State he had taken three months ago, to return and rescue the Razorbacks. The former Louisville coach was named "interim" 10-month head coach on Tuesday.
He replaces Bobby Petrino, who replaced Smith at U of L. Before that, the two coached together at Idaho and Louisville. When Michigan State fired Smith, Petrino hired John L. to coach Arkansas' special teams.
With Petrino out of work, Arkansas Athletics Director Jeff Long, the former Eastern Kentucky AD, had a tough choice. Buck horrific timing and hire a permanent head coach? Promote an assistant from within? Find a stop-gap?
In the end, Long mined an unforeseen vein of golden continuity.
Undoubtedly rocked by the Petrino scandal, the Arkansas players know Smith. From his time as a Razorbacks' assistant, Smith knows the players. He has experience as a head coach.
Moreover, given Smith's and Petrino's association, John L. won't monkey with the Hogs' successful offensive scheme.
Ah, but critics have non-stop harped on Smith's departure from Weber State before coaching a game there. Not ideal, to be sure. But it's Weber State, people. Weber State football.
As for the rest of us, we welcome a coach with personality to the SEC. Remember John L. calling his players girls after Louisville lost to UK in his first game as the Cards' coach? Remember when Smith compared the Cards to the "red-headed stepchild" in the UK series?
Move over, Spurrier. There's a new pop-off in town.
And, finally, for a good deed that was lauded, we have Terrence Jones.
As you may remember, the Kentucky forward accidentally trampled a Louisville cheerleader during the Final Four in New Orleans. Jerica Logue needed four stitches to close the cut in her head. A gamer, she returned to root on her Cards, albeit in a losing effort. Afterward, Jones promised to bring Logue flowers.
Monday night, the now former Kentucky forward did just that, showing up at Louisville's cheer practice to present Logue a beautiful bouquet.
"It went well," Jones told WHAS-TV in Louisville, admitting he was nervous before doing the promised deed. "I've never been to cheer practice before."
"I think it's really nice of him," Logue told the TV station.
Now there's a good deed even Cats and Cards can celebrate.
ALL I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED ON THE CATTLE RANGE
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men:
- The ones who learn by reading.
- The few who learn by observation.
- The rest of them have to touch the electric fence to see if it's really on.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
today'sTHOT============================
A sure way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
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2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men:
- The ones who learn by reading.
- The few who learn by observation.
- The rest of them have to touch the electric fence to see if it's really on.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
today'sTHOT============================
A sure way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
=======================================
PASS IT ON!
Yeah, you can send this Funny to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it! www.mikeysFunnies.com
===============================
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
CHURCH OXYMORONS
An oxymoron is a figure of speech that combines contradictory terms.
~ Brief meeting
~ Preacher's day off
~ Clear calendar
~ Volunteer waiting list
~ Concluding remarks
NEW ADDITIONS:
~ Short sermon (and bad short sermon)
~ Short agenda
~ Short visit
~ Committee work
~ Progress Committee
~ Simple request
~ Quick question
~ Self-Help Group
~ Adult Leadership
~ A word of prayer
today'sTHOT============================
How do you know you've met a good tax accountant? He has a loophole named after him.
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~ Brief meeting
~ Preacher's day off
~ Clear calendar
~ Volunteer waiting list
~ Concluding remarks
NEW ADDITIONS:
~ Short sermon (and bad short sermon)
~ Short agenda
~ Short visit
~ Committee work
~ Progress Committee
~ Simple request
~ Quick question
~ Self-Help Group
~ Adult Leadership
~ A word of prayer
today'sTHOT============================
How do you know you've met a good tax accountant? He has a loophole named after him.
=======================================
PASS IT ON!
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NJ Gov to Nets: "Goodbye and riddance"
As the Nets prepared for their final home game in New Jersey after 35 years in the state, Governor Chris Christie made it clear he will not be shedding any tears over the team's departure next season for Brooklyn.
New Jersey governor Chris Christie will not be shedding any tears over the Nets' departure.
Speaking at a bill signing Monday in Newark, the outspoken Christie had a simple message for the Nets: "Good riddance. See you later."
A few hours later, the Nets lost their final home game in the Prudential Center 105-87 to the Philadelphia 76ers. The Nets close their fifth consecutive losing season Thursday at the Toronto Raptors.
"My message to the Nets is goodbye," Christie said. "You don't want to stay here, we don't want you. I'm not going to be in the business of begging people to stay here."
The Nets have played the last two of their 35 years in New Jersey at the Prudential Center Arena in Newark, built in 2007 by the city and the NHL's New Jersey Devils.
"That's one of the most beautiful arenas in America they have a chance to play in," Christie said. "It's in one of the country's most vibrant cities and they want to leave here and go to Brooklyn? Good riddance. See you later."
Next season, the team moves into the brand new Barclays Center in Brooklyn.
Real estate developer Bruce Ratner purchased the franchise in 2004 with the intention of eventually moving the team to Brooklyn. That plan became reality in 2009 when Ratner joined forces with Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov, who became the majority owner and is providing most of the money to build the team's new arena in Brooklyn.
Monday, April 23, 2012
John L. Smith hired at Arkansas...now we know what the "L" stands for
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My favorite moment of the John L. Smith era at Weber State -- all 4½ months of it -- was the crock pot full of alma mater nonsense he served during his introductory news conference.
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<a href="http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2012/0423/ncf_g_smith01jr_300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="John Smith" border="0" height="200" src="http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2012/0423/ncf_g_smith01jr_300.jpg" style="height: auto; max-width: 100%;" width="300" /></a><cite style="font-style: italic;">Wesley Hitt/Getty Images</cite>John L. Smith returned to Arkansas after abandoning his Weber State players.</div>
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It was passionate. It was poignant. And as it turned out, it was crap.
"No. 1, I've always had a place in my heart for Weber State," said Smith that December day in Ogden, Utah. "You do that naturally. That's your school, that's where you graduated from, so that fondness, that love is always with you. And again, to come back to run your own program as a head coach again is crucial for me. This hopefully can serve as an opportunity for me to give back something to the university."
Smith gave something back to Weber State. It's called a kick to the groin.
The next time the Bo Ryans of the world try to explain why they won't let a player transfer without restrictions, I'm going to remind them of this latest hog and pony show. It is Reason No. 9,213 why college coaches have a major credibility problem.
Just 11 days ago, Smith was at Weber's Stewart Stadium as his team finished spring practice with the annual Purple and White game. Smith even did a chalk talk with fans and boosters before the game and introduced his newly hired staff.
Tuesday he'll be introduced as Arkansas' rent-a-coach. Smith, a former Razorbacks assistant who left Bobby Petrino's staff for the Weber State job, is leasing himself to the Razorbacks for a year.
Smith was so committed to Weber, so head-over-cleats in love with his alma mater (he played there in 1968-70), that nearly two weeks earlier he already was considering an exit strategy. WSU athletic director Jerry Bovee, when reached by phone in Indianapolis Monday evening, said that Smith mentioned an interest in returning to Arkansas after the disgraced Petrino was fired April 10. But Smith told Bovee that it was a long-shot scenario.
Then, at midnight Monday, as Bovee arrived in Indianapolis for NCAA committee meetings, there were several messages from Smith on his cell phone. They spoke briefly, just long enough for Smith to inform Bovee he was ditching Weber -- the job he supposedly was crazy about -- for a one-season interim gig at Arkansas.
"I got the impression that he felt he had a chance to step into a situation he was familiar with, he was familiar with the personnel," said Bovee. "I got the sense that at this point in his career he was willing to take a shot."
A shot at much more money. A shot at an SEC championship and perhaps a national championship. A shot at becoming the guy who rescued Arkansas from the stench of Petrino's personal scandal.
But in Smith's rearview mirror is an athletic director who put his trust in a coach who, in some ways, is just as disingenuous as Petrino. Smith left behind 18 new recruits who believed in him -- and were betrayed by him. He left behind a staff that came to Ogden because of him.
"We were so excited about having him in our program," said Bovee. "I mean, it's disappointing. I understand there's a business side of this. Ultimately, he had an opportunity to do what's best for him."
Exactly. He did what's best for him, not for the players he abandoned. A player such as Jarrod Uthoff has to jump through a dozen red-and-white Badger hoops before Wisconsin's Ryan and school administrators let him transfer to another non-Big Ten school.
Smith? Hired in December, out by April. No strings attached.
At least Arkansas AD Jeff Long had the decency to speak with Bovee on Monday about the situation. It was a professional, but awkward conversation.
"I know there's never a good time," said Bovee. "This certainly isn't a great time on our end."
Mike Hoke, Weber State's starting quarterback and team captain, was back home in Oahu and had just finished a rehab session for his surgically repaired right shoulder when he noticed he had about 15 text messages. One of them was a mass text from a Weber assistant with the news of Smith's departure.
"I was just shocked," said Hoke, by phone from Hawaii on Monday night. "I kind of thought it was a joke."
Hoke described Smith's move as a "business" decision. He said he doesn't expect any of the players to hold a grudge.
"I personally don't feel betrayed," said Hoke, who has yet to receive a call, text or e-mail from Smith. "I feel more disappointed. We would have been able to do some special things at Weber."
Weber State plays in the Big Sky Conference, not the SEC. It plays in the Football Championship Subdivision, not the BCS. Bovee couldn't afford to pay Smith what he made as an assistant at Arkansas ($235,000 per year).
Plus, Smith has a history with Arkansas. He spent three seasons on Petrino's staff -- the same Petrino whom Smith hired for his own staffs at Idaho, Utah State and Louisville.
But Smith had barely been in Ogden long enough to memorize his new zip code. It would have been one thing had he left after 4½ years. But 4½ months? For a job that's supposed to last only one season?
Back at that December news conference, Smith gushed about coming home to Weber State.
"I'm blessed," he said in a Deseret Morning News story. "The 'L' does stand for Lucky."
Or the L in John L. stands for another word. Four letters. L-i-a-r?
Meanwhile, Bovee is trying to catch a flight back to Utah on Tuesday. He needs to talk with the coaching staff. He wants to see how many players can return to campus (graduation ceremonies were last Friday) for a team meeting.
Bovee isn't angry. He said he doesn't have time for it. He has to hire a new head coach.
"I certainly wasn't going to beg [Smith] to stay at Weber State," said Bovee. "We certainly feel like we're better than that."
They are. And better than Smith, too.
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My favorite moment of the John L. Smith era at Weber State -- all 4½ months of it -- was the crock pot full of alma mater nonsense he served during his introductory news conference.
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<a href="http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2012/0423/ncf_g_smith01jr_300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="John Smith" border="0" height="200" src="http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2012/0423/ncf_g_smith01jr_300.jpg" style="height: auto; max-width: 100%;" width="300" /></a><cite style="font-style: italic;">Wesley Hitt/Getty Images</cite>John L. Smith returned to Arkansas after abandoning his Weber State players.</div>
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It was passionate. It was poignant. And as it turned out, it was crap.
"No. 1, I've always had a place in my heart for Weber State," said Smith that December day in Ogden, Utah. "You do that naturally. That's your school, that's where you graduated from, so that fondness, that love is always with you. And again, to come back to run your own program as a head coach again is crucial for me. This hopefully can serve as an opportunity for me to give back something to the university."
Smith gave something back to Weber State. It's called a kick to the groin.
The next time the Bo Ryans of the world try to explain why they won't let a player transfer without restrictions, I'm going to remind them of this latest hog and pony show. It is Reason No. 9,213 why college coaches have a major credibility problem.
Just 11 days ago, Smith was at Weber's Stewart Stadium as his team finished spring practice with the annual Purple and White game. Smith even did a chalk talk with fans and boosters before the game and introduced his newly hired staff.
Tuesday he'll be introduced as Arkansas' rent-a-coach. Smith, a former Razorbacks assistant who left Bobby Petrino's staff for the Weber State job, is leasing himself to the Razorbacks for a year.
Smith was so committed to Weber, so head-over-cleats in love with his alma mater (he played there in 1968-70), that nearly two weeks earlier he already was considering an exit strategy. WSU athletic director Jerry Bovee, when reached by phone in Indianapolis Monday evening, said that Smith mentioned an interest in returning to Arkansas after the disgraced Petrino was fired April 10. But Smith told Bovee that it was a long-shot scenario.
Then, at midnight Monday, as Bovee arrived in Indianapolis for NCAA committee meetings, there were several messages from Smith on his cell phone. They spoke briefly, just long enough for Smith to inform Bovee he was ditching Weber -- the job he supposedly was crazy about -- for a one-season interim gig at Arkansas.
"I got the impression that he felt he had a chance to step into a situation he was familiar with, he was familiar with the personnel," said Bovee. "I got the sense that at this point in his career he was willing to take a shot."
A shot at much more money. A shot at an SEC championship and perhaps a national championship. A shot at becoming the guy who rescued Arkansas from the stench of Petrino's personal scandal.
But in Smith's rearview mirror is an athletic director who put his trust in a coach who, in some ways, is just as disingenuous as Petrino. Smith left behind 18 new recruits who believed in him -- and were betrayed by him. He left behind a staff that came to Ogden because of him.
"We were so excited about having him in our program," said Bovee. "I mean, it's disappointing. I understand there's a business side of this. Ultimately, he had an opportunity to do what's best for him."
Exactly. He did what's best for him, not for the players he abandoned. A player such as Jarrod Uthoff has to jump through a dozen red-and-white Badger hoops before Wisconsin's Ryan and school administrators let him transfer to another non-Big Ten school.
Smith? Hired in December, out by April. No strings attached.
At least Arkansas AD Jeff Long had the decency to speak with Bovee on Monday about the situation. It was a professional, but awkward conversation.
"I know there's never a good time," said Bovee. "This certainly isn't a great time on our end."
Mike Hoke, Weber State's starting quarterback and team captain, was back home in Oahu and had just finished a rehab session for his surgically repaired right shoulder when he noticed he had about 15 text messages. One of them was a mass text from a Weber assistant with the news of Smith's departure.
"I was just shocked," said Hoke, by phone from Hawaii on Monday night. "I kind of thought it was a joke."
Hoke described Smith's move as a "business" decision. He said he doesn't expect any of the players to hold a grudge.
"I personally don't feel betrayed," said Hoke, who has yet to receive a call, text or e-mail from Smith. "I feel more disappointed. We would have been able to do some special things at Weber."
Weber State plays in the Big Sky Conference, not the SEC. It plays in the Football Championship Subdivision, not the BCS. Bovee couldn't afford to pay Smith what he made as an assistant at Arkansas ($235,000 per year).
Plus, Smith has a history with Arkansas. He spent three seasons on Petrino's staff -- the same Petrino whom Smith hired for his own staffs at Idaho, Utah State and Louisville.
But Smith had barely been in Ogden long enough to memorize his new zip code. It would have been one thing had he left after 4½ years. But 4½ months? For a job that's supposed to last only one season?
Back at that December news conference, Smith gushed about coming home to Weber State.
"I'm blessed," he said in a Deseret Morning News story. "The 'L' does stand for Lucky."
Or the L in John L. stands for another word. Four letters. L-i-a-r?
Meanwhile, Bovee is trying to catch a flight back to Utah on Tuesday. He needs to talk with the coaching staff. He wants to see how many players can return to campus (graduation ceremonies were last Friday) for a team meeting.
Bovee isn't angry. He said he doesn't have time for it. He has to hire a new head coach.
"I certainly wasn't going to beg [Smith] to stay at Weber State," said Bovee. "We certainly feel like we're better than that."
They are. And better than Smith, too.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
10 Comments You're Least Likely to Hear at Church
1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.
2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the junior high Sunday School class.
6. Forget the denominational minimum salary; let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!
8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.
9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the junior high Sunday School class.
6. Forget the denominational minimum salary; let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!
8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.
9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
Saturday, April 14, 2012
In the beginning God created...funny
In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.
And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this."
And God said, "Let there be light" and there was light.
And God said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit."
And God saw that it was good.
And the Devil said, "There goes the neighborhood."
And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the Earth." And so God created Man in his own image; male and female did He create.
And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.
And the Devil said, "I know how I can get back in this game."
God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double cheeseburger. And the Devil said to Man: "You want fries with that?" And Man said: "Supersize them." And Man gained 5 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair. And the Devil brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds. And Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds.
And God sent heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to woo them. And the Devil brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds. And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds.
And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And the Devil created sour cream dip. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Man went into cardiac arrest. And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. And the Devil canceled Man's health insurance.
And God created the life-giving tofu. And Woman ventured forth into the land of Godiva Chocolate and upon returning asked Man: "Do I look fat?"
And Man told the truth. And Woman went out from the presence of Man and dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer, east of the marriage counselor.
And Woman put aside the seeds of the earth and took unto herself comfort food. And God brought forth Weight Watchers. It didn't help. And God created exercise machines with easy payments. And man brought forth his Visa at 21 percent. And the exercise machine went to dwell in the closet of Nod, east of the polyester leisure suit. And in the fullness of time, Woman received the exercise machine from Man in the property settlement.
It didn't help her, either.
today'sTHOT============================
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
=======================================
PASS IT ON!
Yeah, you can send this Funny to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it! www.mikeysFunnies.com
===============================
And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this."
And God said, "Let there be light" and there was light.
And God said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit."
And God saw that it was good.
And the Devil said, "There goes the neighborhood."
And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the Earth." And so God created Man in his own image; male and female did He create.
And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.
And the Devil said, "I know how I can get back in this game."
God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double cheeseburger. And the Devil said to Man: "You want fries with that?" And Man said: "Supersize them." And Man gained 5 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair. And the Devil brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds. And Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds.
And God sent heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to woo them. And the Devil brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds. And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds.
And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And the Devil created sour cream dip. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Man went into cardiac arrest. And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. And the Devil canceled Man's health insurance.
And God created the life-giving tofu. And Woman ventured forth into the land of Godiva Chocolate and upon returning asked Man: "Do I look fat?"
And Man told the truth. And Woman went out from the presence of Man and dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer, east of the marriage counselor.
And Woman put aside the seeds of the earth and took unto herself comfort food. And God brought forth Weight Watchers. It didn't help. And God created exercise machines with easy payments. And man brought forth his Visa at 21 percent. And the exercise machine went to dwell in the closet of Nod, east of the polyester leisure suit. And in the fullness of time, Woman received the exercise machine from Man in the property settlement.
It didn't help her, either.
today'sTHOT============================
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
=======================================
PASS IT ON!
Yeah, you can send this Funny to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it! www.mikeysFunnies.com
===============================
Guillen, Castro, and Baseball in Cuba
by Paul Kengor
“I love Fidel Castro,” said Florida Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen to Time magazine. “A lot of people have wanted to kill Fidel Castro for the last 60 years, but that [expletive] is still here.” Guillen “respects” the Cuban despot.
Guillen has since apologized profusely for his comments, which infuriated Florida’s Cuban émigré community—and for good reason.
Fidel Castro is a tyrant. I could go through a litany of the man’s crimes against humanity since he turned a beautiful country into a communist dictatorship over 50 years ago. Castro violated every form of basic human rights, from freedom of speech to press to assembly to religion. He jailed dissidents and never stood for election—a promise he made in 1959. Liberals might take note of Castro’s locking up of homosexuals on the island. And then there was that whole Cuban Missile Crisis thing, where Fidel and his pal Che Guevara—a hero at American universities—actually wanted to launch the nuclear missiles at the United States and unleash nuclear Armageddon. And don’t forget about the 15,000-20,000 Cubans that Castro has executed, or the tens of thousands who have drowned trying to swim 100 miles to the shores of Florida.
Safely ensconced on those shores is Mr. Ozzie Guillen, who became rich playing baseball under America’s free-enterprise system. Guillen currently basks in a four-year contract for $10-million managing the Marlins. He would never be able to make that kind of money in Cuba. In fact, to consider just how bad Cuba is under Castro, let’s stick to baseball:
Fidel’s favorite sport is baseball. He turned it into a national past-time in Cuba. Unfortunately, Cuban players are not permitted to score some badly needed dollars, or personal freedom. I recall a telling incident in the spring of 1999. The Cuban national team came to America; specifically, to Oriole Park at Camden Yards, where they played the Baltimore Orioles. They blew out the Orioles 12 to 6, giving Castro something to crow about. He framed the win as a victory for communism over capitalism.
Not heralded by Castro, however, was the plight of his players. The entire payroll for the Cuban national team was $2,400—yes, for the entire team. Each man on the roster of 20 players was paid a paltry $120 per year, just like everyone else in Cuba, from doctors to teachers to maintenance workers. That’s called equal distribution of wealth. By comparison, the Orioles payroll for that year was $80 million, with players like Albert Belle and Cal Ripken enjoying huge long-term contracts.
Alas, no one in Cuba has a payroll quite like Fidel Castro. At the time, Forbes magazine published its annual list of the world’s wealthiest leaders. Placing eighth was Castro at $110 million—a conservative estimate that doesn’t begin to account for the billions of dollars in land, industry, and resources he has personally confiscated.
“We fight not to create millionaires!” proclaimed Fidel. Well, that’s not quite true. Cuba has its share of filthy rich; they are the “one percent” of Communist Party cronies and apparatchiks, from Fidel’s brother Raul (Cuba’s current leader) to other corrupt mansion Marxists. They are typical of any communist regime.
Of course, Cubans painfully realize their horrible situation. Testimony to that was the reaction of the Cuban national team immediately after they defeated the Baltimore Orioles. Rigoberto Herrera Betancourt defected. And while a bragging Fidel chomped on a hundred-dollar cigar, six other members of the Cuban delegation “overslept” and missed the airplane home. All did this at great personal risk to themselves and the families they left behind. They don’t love Castro.
Ozzie Guillen, however, expressed a markedly different sentiment. Needless to say, if Guillen lived in Cuba, he would never have gotten the opportunities he has in America. He’d be poor or in prison.
Guillen is now in hot water in Florida, dealing with a five-game suspension because of his comments. Fans are still furious.
Well, if it gets worse, maybe he could consider managing the Cuban national team. I hear they’re paying $120
“I love Fidel Castro,” said Florida Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen to Time magazine. “A lot of people have wanted to kill Fidel Castro for the last 60 years, but that [expletive] is still here.” Guillen “respects” the Cuban despot.
Guillen has since apologized profusely for his comments, which infuriated Florida’s Cuban émigré community—and for good reason.
Fidel Castro is a tyrant. I could go through a litany of the man’s crimes against humanity since he turned a beautiful country into a communist dictatorship over 50 years ago. Castro violated every form of basic human rights, from freedom of speech to press to assembly to religion. He jailed dissidents and never stood for election—a promise he made in 1959. Liberals might take note of Castro’s locking up of homosexuals on the island. And then there was that whole Cuban Missile Crisis thing, where Fidel and his pal Che Guevara—a hero at American universities—actually wanted to launch the nuclear missiles at the United States and unleash nuclear Armageddon. And don’t forget about the 15,000-20,000 Cubans that Castro has executed, or the tens of thousands who have drowned trying to swim 100 miles to the shores of Florida.
Safely ensconced on those shores is Mr. Ozzie Guillen, who became rich playing baseball under America’s free-enterprise system. Guillen currently basks in a four-year contract for $10-million managing the Marlins. He would never be able to make that kind of money in Cuba. In fact, to consider just how bad Cuba is under Castro, let’s stick to baseball:
Fidel’s favorite sport is baseball. He turned it into a national past-time in Cuba. Unfortunately, Cuban players are not permitted to score some badly needed dollars, or personal freedom. I recall a telling incident in the spring of 1999. The Cuban national team came to America; specifically, to Oriole Park at Camden Yards, where they played the Baltimore Orioles. They blew out the Orioles 12 to 6, giving Castro something to crow about. He framed the win as a victory for communism over capitalism.
Not heralded by Castro, however, was the plight of his players. The entire payroll for the Cuban national team was $2,400—yes, for the entire team. Each man on the roster of 20 players was paid a paltry $120 per year, just like everyone else in Cuba, from doctors to teachers to maintenance workers. That’s called equal distribution of wealth. By comparison, the Orioles payroll for that year was $80 million, with players like Albert Belle and Cal Ripken enjoying huge long-term contracts.
Alas, no one in Cuba has a payroll quite like Fidel Castro. At the time, Forbes magazine published its annual list of the world’s wealthiest leaders. Placing eighth was Castro at $110 million—a conservative estimate that doesn’t begin to account for the billions of dollars in land, industry, and resources he has personally confiscated.
“We fight not to create millionaires!” proclaimed Fidel. Well, that’s not quite true. Cuba has its share of filthy rich; they are the “one percent” of Communist Party cronies and apparatchiks, from Fidel’s brother Raul (Cuba’s current leader) to other corrupt mansion Marxists. They are typical of any communist regime.
Of course, Cubans painfully realize their horrible situation. Testimony to that was the reaction of the Cuban national team immediately after they defeated the Baltimore Orioles. Rigoberto Herrera Betancourt defected. And while a bragging Fidel chomped on a hundred-dollar cigar, six other members of the Cuban delegation “overslept” and missed the airplane home. All did this at great personal risk to themselves and the families they left behind. They don’t love Castro.
Ozzie Guillen, however, expressed a markedly different sentiment. Needless to say, if Guillen lived in Cuba, he would never have gotten the opportunities he has in America. He’d be poor or in prison.
Guillen is now in hot water in Florida, dealing with a five-game suspension because of his comments. Fans are still furious.
Well, if it gets worse, maybe he could consider managing the Cuban national team. I hear they’re paying $120
Thursday, April 12, 2012
YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUENECK IF...
Bluenecks are northerners - the opposite of Rednecks. Because of Redneck jokes, here are some takes on how Southern folks look at Northerners (or how Northerners sometimes think of themselves).
YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUENECK IF...
...Instead of referring to two or more people as "Y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.
...You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
...You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY.
...You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly
...For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes-au-gratin to grits.
...You've never, ever eaten okra -- fried, boiled, or pickled
...You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
...You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on your dog
...You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
...You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-'n-knife show
...You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach
...You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice)
...You don't know any women with male names (i.e., Tommie, Bobbie, Johnnie, Jimmie)
...None of your fur coats are homemade
today'sTHOT============================
Remember, you can't have everything. Where would you keep it?
=======================================
PASS IT ON!
Yeah, you can send this Funny to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it! www.mikeysFunnies.com
=============================
YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUENECK IF...
...Instead of referring to two or more people as "Y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.
...You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
...You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY.
...You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly
...For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes-au-gratin to grits.
...You've never, ever eaten okra -- fried, boiled, or pickled
...You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
...You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on your dog
...You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
...You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-'n-knife show
...You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach
...You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice)
...You don't know any women with male names (i.e., Tommie, Bobbie, Johnnie, Jimmie)
...None of your fur coats are homemade
today'sTHOT============================
Remember, you can't have everything. Where would you keep it?
=======================================
PASS IT ON!
Yeah, you can send this Funny to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it! www.mikeysFunnies.com
=============================
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