Saturday, April 27, 2013

"42": My Favorite Line

I had the opportunity to see "42" tonight. Here's a clip with my favorite line when Pee Wee Reese, a boy from Kentucky, puts his arm around Jackie to assure him that he is with him in the face of Cincinnati Reds fans at old Crosley Field shouting racial epithets. "42" is great movie. Catch it, if you get a chance.





Friday, April 26, 2013

A "poor" funny

One day, a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

"It was great, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.

"Oh yeah," said the son.

"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered, "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden, and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden, and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard, and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on, and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us; they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."

[forwarded by Fayella Horn]

today'sTHOT============================

Money doesn't change you. It magnifies who you are.

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Monday, April 22, 2013

No man stands so tall...

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A PLANNING FUNNY

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to get married so he could share his fortune.

One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million."

Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

[forwarded by Bob]

today'sTHOT============================

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

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Saturday, April 20, 2013

ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING

Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?" Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.' I choose to be in a good mood.

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life."

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life." I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body. I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose to live.

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked. Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the emergency room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read, 'He's a dead man." I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big, burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes,' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

today'sTHOT============================

You have a choice: You can throw in the towel, or you can use it to wipe the sweat off of your face.

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Thursday, April 18, 2013

A Flatulent Funny (this is your warning)

Once upon a time there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. Then one day he met a beautiful girl and he fell madly in love with her. When it was apparent that they would marry he thought to himself, "She is such a sweet and lovely girl, she will never go for this carrying on." So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up his beloved beans. They were married shortly thereafter.

Some months after his marriage, his car broke down on his way home from work. Since he and his wife lived in the country, he phoned her to say he wouldn't be home at his usual hour because he had to walk the rest of the way home.

On his way home he passed a small cafe and the odor of freshly baked beans was overwhelming. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home, so he stopped at the cafe. Before leaving he ate three large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted and after arriving home, felt he had putt-putted his last.

His wife was somewhat agitated and excited to see him and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner this evening." She then blindfolded him and led him to his seat at the head of the table. He sat down and just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She made him promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned. She left him to answer the phone. Seizing the opportunity, he shifted his weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud but as ripe as rotten eggs. He took his napkin and vigorously fanned the air around him. He felt another urge coming on, shifted to the other leg, and let go again. This was a prize winner! While keeping one ear on the phone conversation, he kept on for another ten minutes. Upon hearing the phone hang up, he placed his napkin in his lap, folded his hands on top of it and smiled contentedly to himself, the very picture of innocence.

Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked and he, of course, assured her that he hadn't. At this point she removed the blindfold and there was his surprise--twelve dinner guests seated around the table for a birthday party!

today'sTHOT============================

STAR TREK on Novocain: To poldly bow air mobius gumby four!

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The Commonplace

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Monday, April 15, 2013

None Of Us Go It Alone

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Being human, we are imperfect.
That's why we need each other.
To catch each other when we falter.
To encourage each other when we lose heart.
Some may lead; others may follow;
but none of us can go it alone.
- Hilary Clinton





A Kids Funny

Kids talk about astronomy:

~ When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.

~ Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

Kids talk about Meteorology:

~ You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.

~ I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

~ It is so hot in some parts of the world that the people there have to live other places.

[forwarded by Gretchen Patti]

today'sTHOT============================

I've been reading a book all week called "Anti-Gravity"...I just can't put it down!

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Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Life's Too Short...

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A Noun Funny

7-year-old Bethany was placing nouns under the correct heading in class. All the words were from a list.

The teacher came over and looked at her lists. There where five: Persons, Places, Things, Ideas, and ... Other?

The teacher asked Bethany, "Why are there five lists?"

Bethany answered, "Because my brother didn't fit any of the categories."

today'sTHOT============================

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

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Friday, April 5, 2013

A Car Funny

A teenager was always asking his father if he could borrow the family car.
Pushed to the limit, the father asked his son why he thought God had given
him two feet.

Without hesitation, the son replied, "That's easy, one for the clutch and
one for the accelerator."

[forwarded by John Jaeger]

today'sTHOT============================

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. But he says he can stop any
time.

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GREATNESS

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A husband to the store funny

A wife asked her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me? Buy one carton of milk. And, if they have avocados, get 6."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy SIX cartons of milk?"

He replied, "Because they DID have avocados!”

[forwarded by Ted Bouchette]

today'sTHOT============================

People who throw kisses are mighty hopelessly lazy.

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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

The National Pastime in the National Archives

Baseball: The National Pastime in the National Archives by Prologue Magazine

BIG BLUE NATION IS PRAYING FOR KW5

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Easter Bunny Funny

Last week a little girl came home from school and approached her mother: "Mom, some of the kids at school today said that you were the Easter Bunny. Is that true?"

The mom kneeled down by her daughter and said, "Do you really want to know?"

"Yes" the girl replied.

The mother sighed, thinking of the end of the innocence of childhood, "Yes, dear, I am the Easter Bunny."

The little girl looked at her in amazement, "How do you get to ALL of those houses???"

[forwarded by Katy]

today'sTHOT============================

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

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The darkest night is often the bridge to the brightest tomorrow...

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Monday, April 1, 2013

UofL Announcer: Trying to describe things you've never seen before

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From University of Louisville announcer, Bob Valvano's FB page:

Okay violating my self imposed Facebook abstinence here just one time before June 1, but I hope you will understand...

Today was that exceptional...

I have broadcast games for 17 years, 12 on radio with Paul Rogers for the University of Louisville games. Only one other time, of a much more personal nature, was I moved to tears on the air. In Albeuquerque, the same site as my brother Jim's national championship, Louisville came from 20 points down in an Elite Eight game to go to Rick Pitino's first Final Four with the Cards. For various reasons, including a tremendously generous gesture by then assistant coach Kevin Willard, I was so moved...but that was more personal...

Today, Kevin Ware suffered one of the most gruesome injuries you'll see on basketball court, or anywhere. In the first half, he jumped to challenge a shot, simply landed wrong and his leg was grotesquely broken and twisted.
What followed was unlike anything I have seen at a game, coaching or broadcasting. Louisville players began crying on the court; a few vomited at the sight, as the injury was right in front of the bench. Duke players and Coach K were obviously moved as well...

Making it more surreal was how it happened. No one could see from the outer reaches of this vast arena what exactly occurred. Even our viewpoint, courtside right opposite Louisville's bench was difficult to see, but players on the court, who could see it in detail, started dropping to the court. Paul and I thought there might have been a collision we missed. A few broadcasters in the further points actually thought someone took a shot at the players; in this day of terrorism that may be sad, but not illogical.

Three players dropped to the court. Peyton Siva dropped to a knee to pray...clearly not business as usual...

As the time stretched on, it became apparent the injury was awful. In today's instant media,pictures were quickly transmitted. The players looked stunned, sad, bewildered...

Kevin Ware asked his teammates to gather around before going off on a stretcher and told them, "I will be fine. Now go out and win this game..." which only added to the emotional impact...

What transpired after halftime was almost overwhelming to witness. The emotion etched on the players' faces was unlike any I had ever seen at a game. I can't even describe it, truly...pain over their friend, effort to refocus on the game, determination to win, in many ways for Kevin Ware.

It seemed like little happened to make people forget the injury. As Louisville improbably pulled away to a 22 point win, the crowd started chanting "Ke-Vin, Ke-Vin..." The game ended without the Cards cutting the nets down, and Rick Pitino urging the crowd to honor Kevin by chanting again as he stood on the podium.

There was a play very late with the game essentially over, where Luke Hancock--who started the year so bumpily and was the subject of fans' wrath-- taking a leadership role, waving everyone away so he could create a shot for walk on Tim Henderson, who proceeded to nail a three point shot, and receive an exuberant hug from the normally stoic Hancock.

All game we saw that emotion from players who rarely show it. It is one of the times sitting courtside gives a vantage point I am not sure TV could capture...although I know many simply watching at home were moved to tears...

And so my broadcast partner was moved to tears as well...and I was unable to do much to help him...overwhelming...

It was incredible...and I thought about why? Players get hurt all the time...why was this so emotional?

Of course it was gruesome. That is undeniably a big part. But to watch the unique bond that is a team, and how much pain these kids had to play through, and how they rallied together...AND rallied to play for their fallen teammate...again, overwhelming...

I was moved at the emotion by the Duke players and coaches as well.That was a reminder again how blessed you are when the outcome of a game can be so important to you. It IS important; that's fine, but in moments like that you realize how fleeting it all can be and how it can all go away. Even young bullet proof players at that moment can't help but be reminded, "There but for the grace of God go I"...

It makes anyone watching feel the same about their own lives. How fragile it all can be; you must embrace the moments, pull those dear to you near, and don't waste the time you have with them...it all can go away so fast...

Yes, all that from basketball game. So I was very moved, and know I wasn't alone...

After the game I got a hug from Russ Smith who was devestated at the injury. I got to share a moment with Gorgei Dieng and Peyton Siva, emotional and spiritual leaders in many ways on this team. It is different, a bit subdued, but they are happy and proud, and maybe in many ways, more meaningful than just a usual post game congratulations...

I wander around for a bit, pass a closed training room and hear what sounds like a player laughing hysterically. I ask, "Is that someone laughing?". Somber subdued voices tell me, no those sounds are from one of the players crying, wailing, the sounds now gut wrenching as I realize what the reality actually is...

I won't mention the player's name, as i am not interested in violating his privacy, but i am reminded again...they're people, not X's and O's,and in so many meaningful ways, just kids at that.

Every once in a while the game transcends the sport, and the sport transcends itself, sending life lessons and creating human drama of the highest order.

Today was one of those days, and I was humbled to try and help Paul find the words to describe it on radio.

That's probably impossible, when you are asked to describe some things you've never seen before.

But I will never forget having the opportunity today, to try...



Hoping KW5 will be able to be on the sidelines in Cardlanta

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Go Cards! Good Luck in the FInal Four!

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The Blue Devils didn't have a chance

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KW5 on the long road to recovery

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Louisville guard Kevin Ware held the NCAA Regional Championship trophy Monday, flanked by coach Rick Pitino, left, and former Louisville assistant coach Richard Pitino. Ware broke his leg Sunday in the Midwest Regional final when he landed awkwardly, and he had surgery that night. He remained in an Indianapolis hospital on Monday, but he was able to move around on crutches. Kenny Klein — Associated Press/University of Louisville





Prayers for #5

Our hearts and prayers go out to Kevin Ware and his family.

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GO CARDS!!!


The Promise of the Resurrection

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