A woman accompanied her husband to the doctors office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die. "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. "Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly. "If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "He said you're going to die," she replied.
Friday, August 30, 2013
Monday, August 19, 2013
A Keys Funny
Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down.
I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets.
A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.
My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.
His theory is that the car will be stolen.
As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion.
His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered; ( I always call him "honey" in times like these.) I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice.
"Are you kidding' me???" he barked , "I dropped you off!!"
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."
He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop I didn't steal your car."
[forwarded by Steve Sanderson]
today'sTHOT============================
Dear vegetarians, if you’re trying to save the animals, why are you eating their food?
=======================================
PASS IT ON!
Yeah, you can send this Funny to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it! www.mikeysFunnies.com
===============================
I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets.
A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.
My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.
His theory is that the car will be stolen.
As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion.
His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered; ( I always call him "honey" in times like these.) I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice.
"Are you kidding' me???" he barked , "I dropped you off!!"
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."
He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop I didn't steal your car."
[forwarded by Steve Sanderson]
today'sTHOT============================
Dear vegetarians, if you’re trying to save the animals, why are you eating their food?
=======================================
PASS IT ON!
Yeah, you can send this Funny to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it! www.mikeysFunnies.com
===============================
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Former Flaget, Kentucky and Miami Dolphins quarterback Rick Norton dies at 69
Rick Norton, a Flaget High School and University of Kentucky great who later played quarterback for the Miami Dolphins during their inaugural season in 1966, died Thursday in Louisville. He was 69.
John Norton said his brother had battled heart disease and died of natural causes.
Rick Norton was a first-team All-State selection by The Courier-Journal in 1961 as a senior at Flaget. Coach Paulie Miller called him “the best passer in the United States.”
He played three seasons (1963-65) at UK and was a team co-captain as a senior, when the Wildcats finished 6-4. He was named a first-team All-American by Time Magazine and NBC.
In 1966 he was drafted by both professional leagues, choosing the AFL’s Dolphins over the NFL’s Cleveland Browns. He played in 31 games over four seasons (1966-69) for the Dolphins, starting 11 of them. He played in one game for the Green Bay Packers in 1970 before retiring from football.
John Norton said his brother later worked in construction in Lexington before taking jobs in state government. He worked for Kentucky State Parks and also was executive director of the Kentucky State Racing Commission during Gov. Martha Layne Collins’ tenure from 1983-87.
He is survived by a son, Rick Jr., and two daughters, Stacey and Cindy. Funeral arrangements are pending.
Monday, July 8, 2013
The Lost Graveside Guitarist
After three funerals last week, I needed a little humor, even if it's graveside humor. Have a great week, Deacon Gerry
As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”
Apparently, I’m still lost…
h/t Shannon Age and Julie Fagan
As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”
Apparently, I’m still lost…
h/t Shannon Age and Julie Fagan
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
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