Dear God, please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now.
Amanda
Dear God, thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.
Joyce
Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart I had to have 3 stitches and a shot.
Janet
God, I read the Bible. What does beget mean? Nobody will tell me.
Love Alison
Dear God, how did you know you were God? Who told you?
Charlene
Dear God, is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his golf words in the house?
Anita
Dear God,
I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.
Nancy
Dear God, I like the story about Noah the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones. I like walking on water, too.
Glenn
Dear God, my grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go?
Love, Dennis
Dear God, do you draw the lines around the countries? If you don't, who does?
Nathan
[forwarded by Adon Brownell]
today'sTHOT============================
Backup is for wimps! SMART wimps!
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Thursday, February 28, 2013
THE NUMBERS OF THE BEAST
666 - The number of the beast
667 - neighbor of the beast
660 - Approximate number of the Beast
DCLXVI - Roman numeral of the Beast
666.0000 - Number of the High Precision Beast
0.666666 - Number of the Millibeast
/ 666 - Beast Common Denominator
666 ^ (-1) - Imaginary number of the Beast
1010011010 - Binary of the Beast
6, uh...what was that number again? - Number of the Blonde Beast
1-666 - Area code of the Beast
0666 - British area code of the Beast
00666 - Zip code of the Beast
$665.95 - Retail price of the Beast
$699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax
$769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
$656.66 - Walmart price of the Beast
$646.66 - Next week's Wal-Mart price of the Beast
Phillips 666 - Gasoline of the Beast
Route 666 - Way of the Beast
666 F - Oven temperature for roast Beast
666k - Retirement plan of the Beast
666 mg - Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
6.66% - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast National Bank
$666 - minimum deposit
666% - Interest rate charged by Tony the Beast, local loan shark
666iv - Local statute number regarding Beast parking
"If 666 Was 999" - recently discovered Jimi Hendrix outtake
DSM-666 (revised) - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
Excel 6-6-6 - Spreadsheet of the Beast
Word 6.66 - Word Processor of the Beast
i66686 - CPU of the Beast
Win666 - Operating system of the Beast
666i - BMW of the Beast
today'sTHOT============================
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
=======================================
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667 - neighbor of the beast
660 - Approximate number of the Beast
DCLXVI - Roman numeral of the Beast
666.0000 - Number of the High Precision Beast
0.666666 - Number of the Millibeast
/ 666 - Beast Common Denominator
666 ^ (-1) - Imaginary number of the Beast
1010011010 - Binary of the Beast
6, uh...what was that number again? - Number of the Blonde Beast
1-666 - Area code of the Beast
0666 - British area code of the Beast
00666 - Zip code of the Beast
$665.95 - Retail price of the Beast
$699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax
$769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
$656.66 - Walmart price of the Beast
$646.66 - Next week's Wal-Mart price of the Beast
Phillips 666 - Gasoline of the Beast
Route 666 - Way of the Beast
666 F - Oven temperature for roast Beast
666k - Retirement plan of the Beast
666 mg - Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
6.66% - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast National Bank
$666 - minimum deposit
666% - Interest rate charged by Tony the Beast, local loan shark
666iv - Local statute number regarding Beast parking
"If 666 Was 999" - recently discovered Jimi Hendrix outtake
DSM-666 (revised) - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
Excel 6-6-6 - Spreadsheet of the Beast
Word 6.66 - Word Processor of the Beast
i66686 - CPU of the Beast
Win666 - Operating system of the Beast
666i - BMW of the Beast
today'sTHOT============================
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
=======================================
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Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Louisville Flaget High School: The Spirit Lives On...
View the entire video here: http://www.ket.org/cgi-bin/cheetah/watch_video.pl?nola=KFLHS+000000&altdir&template#.USo30Fo3Gjw.mailto
My brother-in-law, Bill Olrich, played on the great Flaget football teams with Paul Hornung, Howard Schnellenberger, Sherrill Sipes and JT Frankenberger. After high school, Bill played football and ran track for the University of Louisville. Later in life Bill was one of the best masters runners in the nation. RIP Bill.
I graduated from Flaget in 1966, and my younger brothers, Steve and David, graduated in 1971 and 1973, respectively. Deacon Gerry
EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM A JIGSAW PUZZLE
By Jacquie Sewell (with apologies to Robert Fulghum)
1. Don't force a fit--if something is meant to be, it will come together naturally.
2. When things aren't going so well, take a break. Everything will look different when you return.
3. Be sure to look at the big picture. Getting hung up on the little pieces only leads to frustration.
4. Perseverance pays off. Every important puzzle went together bit by bit, piece by piece.
5. When one spot stops working, move to another. But be sure to come back later (see #4).
6. The creator of the puzzle gave you the picture as a guidebook. Refer to the Creator's guidebook often.
7. Variety is the spice of life. It's the different colors and patterns that make the puzzle interesting.
8. Working together with friends and family makes any task fun.
9. Establish the border first. Boundaries give a sense of security and order.
10. Don't be afraid to try different combinations. Some matches are surprising.
11. Take time often to celebrate your successes (even little ones).
12. Anything worth doing takes time and effort. A great puzzle can't be rushed.
13. When you finally reach the last piece, don't be sad. Rejoice in the masterpiece you've made and enjoy a well-deserved rest.
Copyright 2001 Jacquie Sewell ( jjsewell416@yahoo.com ). Permission is granted to send this to others, but not for commercial purposes.
today'sTHOT============================
The best way to get ahead is to use the one you've got.
=======================================
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1. Don't force a fit--if something is meant to be, it will come together naturally.
2. When things aren't going so well, take a break. Everything will look different when you return.
3. Be sure to look at the big picture. Getting hung up on the little pieces only leads to frustration.
4. Perseverance pays off. Every important puzzle went together bit by bit, piece by piece.
5. When one spot stops working, move to another. But be sure to come back later (see #4).
6. The creator of the puzzle gave you the picture as a guidebook. Refer to the Creator's guidebook often.
7. Variety is the spice of life. It's the different colors and patterns that make the puzzle interesting.
8. Working together with friends and family makes any task fun.
9. Establish the border first. Boundaries give a sense of security and order.
10. Don't be afraid to try different combinations. Some matches are surprising.
11. Take time often to celebrate your successes (even little ones).
12. Anything worth doing takes time and effort. A great puzzle can't be rushed.
13. When you finally reach the last piece, don't be sad. Rejoice in the masterpiece you've made and enjoy a well-deserved rest.
Copyright 2001 Jacquie Sewell ( jjsewell416@yahoo.com ). Permission is granted to send this to others, but not for commercial purposes.
today'sTHOT============================
The best way to get ahead is to use the one you've got.
=======================================
PASS IT ON!
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===============================
The Creation Of Combat Viet Nam Vets
When the Lord was creating Vietnam Combat Veteran, He was into His 6th day of overtime when an angel appeared.
"You're certainly doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."
And God said, "Have you seen the specs on this order? A Nam Vet has to be able to run 5 miles through the bush with a full pack on, endure with barely any sleep for days, enter tunnels his higher ups wouldn't consider doing, and keep his weapons clean and operable. He has to be able to sit in his hole all night during an attack, hold his buddies as they die, walk point in unfamiliar territory known to be VC infested, and somehow keep his senses alert for danger. He has to be in top physical condition existing on c-rats and very little rest. And he has to have 6 pairs of hands."
The angel shook his head slowly and said, "6 pair of hands....no way."
The Lord says "It's not the hands that are causing me problems. It's the 3 pair of eyes a Nam Vet has to have."
"Is that on the standard model?" asked the angel.
The Lord nodded. "One pair that sees through elephant grass, another pair h ere in the side of his head for his buddies, another pair here in front that can look reassuringly at his bleeding, fellow soldier and say, 'You'll make it' ...when he knows he won't."
"Lord, rest, and work on this tomorrow."
"I can't," said the Lord. "I already have a model that can carry a wounded soldier 1,000 yards during a fire fight, calm the fears of the latest FNG, and feed a family of 4 on a grunts paycheck."
The angel walked around the model and said, "Can it think?"
"You bet," said the Lord. "It can quote much of the Universal Code of Military Justice, recite all his general orders, and engage in a search and destroy mission in less time than it takes for his fellow Americans back home to discuss the morality of the War, and still keep his sense of humor.
The Lord gazed into the future and said, "He will also endure being vilified and spit on when he returns home, rejected and crucified by the very ones he fought for."
Finally, the angel slowly ran his finger across the Vet's cheek, and said, "There's a leak...I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model."
"That's not a leak", said the Lord. "That's a tear."
"What's the tear for?" asked the angel.
"It's for bottled up emotions, for holding fallen soldiers as they die, for commitment to that funny piece of cloth called the American flag, for the terror of living with PTSD for decades after the war, alone with it's demons with no one to care or help."
"You're a genius," said the angel, casting a gaze at the tear.
The lord looked very somber, as if seeing down eternity's distant shores. "I didn't put it there," He said. "A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life wrote a blank check made payable to 'The United States of America' for an amount of 'up to and including his life.' That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it."
"You're certainly doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."
And God said, "Have you seen the specs on this order? A Nam Vet has to be able to run 5 miles through the bush with a full pack on, endure with barely any sleep for days, enter tunnels his higher ups wouldn't consider doing, and keep his weapons clean and operable. He has to be able to sit in his hole all night during an attack, hold his buddies as they die, walk point in unfamiliar territory known to be VC infested, and somehow keep his senses alert for danger. He has to be in top physical condition existing on c-rats and very little rest. And he has to have 6 pairs of hands."
The angel shook his head slowly and said, "6 pair of hands....no way."
The Lord says "It's not the hands that are causing me problems. It's the 3 pair of eyes a Nam Vet has to have."
"Is that on the standard model?" asked the angel.
The Lord nodded. "One pair that sees through elephant grass, another pair h ere in the side of his head for his buddies, another pair here in front that can look reassuringly at his bleeding, fellow soldier and say, 'You'll make it' ...when he knows he won't."
"Lord, rest, and work on this tomorrow."
"I can't," said the Lord. "I already have a model that can carry a wounded soldier 1,000 yards during a fire fight, calm the fears of the latest FNG, and feed a family of 4 on a grunts paycheck."
The angel walked around the model and said, "Can it think?"
"You bet," said the Lord. "It can quote much of the Universal Code of Military Justice, recite all his general orders, and engage in a search and destroy mission in less time than it takes for his fellow Americans back home to discuss the morality of the War, and still keep his sense of humor.
The Lord gazed into the future and said, "He will also endure being vilified and spit on when he returns home, rejected and crucified by the very ones he fought for."
Finally, the angel slowly ran his finger across the Vet's cheek, and said, "There's a leak...I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model."
"That's not a leak", said the Lord. "That's a tear."
"What's the tear for?" asked the angel.
"It's for bottled up emotions, for holding fallen soldiers as they die, for commitment to that funny piece of cloth called the American flag, for the terror of living with PTSD for decades after the war, alone with it's demons with no one to care or help."
"You're a genius," said the angel, casting a gaze at the tear.
The lord looked very somber, as if seeing down eternity's distant shores. "I didn't put it there," He said. "A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life wrote a blank check made payable to 'The United States of America' for an amount of 'up to and including his life.' That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it."
A LATE FOR SUNDAY SCHOOL FUNNY
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running to church as fast as she could, trying not to be late for her Sunday School class.
As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again.
As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! But please don't shove me either!"
today'sTHOT============================
We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
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As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again.
As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! But please don't shove me either!"
today'sTHOT============================
We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
=======================================
PASS IT ON!
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===============================
Monday, February 18, 2013
A Horse Funny
US President Woodrow Wilson's father was a minister. Rather tall and thin, Wilson Sr. made quite a contrast to his horse, which was well-built.
One day with horse and buggy and young Woodrow along, the minister was asked by a parishioner, "Reverend, how is it that you're so thin and gaunt while your horse is so big and sleek?"
Before he could reply, young Woodrow exclaimed, "Probably because my father feeds the horse and the congregation feeds my father!"
[forwarded by Gretchen Patti]
today'sTHOT============================
If stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out?
=======================================
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One day with horse and buggy and young Woodrow along, the minister was asked by a parishioner, "Reverend, how is it that you're so thin and gaunt while your horse is so big and sleek?"
Before he could reply, young Woodrow exclaimed, "Probably because my father feeds the horse and the congregation feeds my father!"
[forwarded by Gretchen Patti]
today'sTHOT============================
If stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out?
=======================================
PASS IT ON!
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Friday, February 1, 2013
Everything I Know about Life I Learned from Noah's Ark
One: Don't miss the boat.
Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six: Build your future on high ground.
Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
Nine: When you're stressed, float a while.
Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
Eleven: No matter the storm, when you're with God there's always a rainbow waiting.
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